Joe is 52 years old. Jane is 50 years old. Joe works for the Feds and earns 120k a year. Jane works for CRA and earns 110k a year. Both have pensions. They have two wonderful children – one in Grade 12 and one in Grade 11. They have a house in the suburbs. They have two cars, one newer, one older, they have some debt, a mortgage and a TFSA.
They started out together when they were young. Life was good, fun and sexy. Being with each other was intoxicating. Then came the children, the jobs, the mortgage, daycare, competitive sports, teenagers etc. etc. etc. In short, life happened.
Then throw in a once in a lifetime worldwide pandemic.
The children are moving on – friends, activities, thinking about the future. They need parents less at that point.
Listen, it was a great run. They accomplished a tremendous amount together but the relationship died on the vine. It was dead by the time they looked at it. We are all over our financial advisor if targets are not met on investments – but sadly we do not spend enough time on our relationships. The parties sit and look at each other (now that they have time to think) and think wow, this could be a long 30 years.
Our parents would not have bothered – life basically ended at age 60 anyway – so not worth the bother. Now, hopefully we will be around (some of us anyway) well into our 80s living good vibrant lives.
So, maybe it is a good idea to separate?
But wow, do we have to talk to a lawyer now? We have only spoken with a lawyer to do our real estate deal and to do a Will. Remember our neighbours Sue and Fred? They hate each other. Fred does not speak with the children. They spent years and tens of thousands of dollars in fees. Is this going to be ugly?
Nope. It does not have to be ugly. Nope, you do not have to abdicate responsibility for decision making and let a lawyer make all of your decisions.
Do you want to be cost-effective? Do you want to protect the children as much as possible? Do you want to have a good relationship going forward with your spouse? Do you want to work together? Do you want to listen to your spouse and come up with a resolution (some give and take in there) that works for both of you? If the answer is no to these questions then stop reading now and google ‘Divorce from hell” and hire that lawyer. If the answer is yes to one or more of these questions, then you should attend mediation with us because you are the exact people we work with.
As adults, we all have a responsibility to the children. That includes both parties and me. We need to protect them as much as possible.
I had two teachers who attended mediation with me. We did all of the work to hit the ground running in the first meeting. This was pre COVID so they were in my boardroom. I walked in to the room. Both the husband and wife were sitting there – all prim and proper. They had a pile of paper organized in front of each of them. Both had their hands up on the table with arms crossed. Both gazed expectantly at me when I walked in. I said ‘hello, what is up’?
They said that they felt like they were students, we gave them a homework assignment to complete and they were coming to see me the ‘teacher’ to see how they did. I said great analogy – we can tell you what other people have done over the last 25 years to resolve their issues, what works, what does not etc. We can anticipate potholes – so that they are all filled in and smoothed out.
If you are reasonable people looking for a reasonable resolution at a reasonable price, give us a call.
